Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence) Read online

  She pointed a red tipped finger toward the back of the lounge. “Dex!”

  Four heads turned his way; Megan echoed her words “Uh oh!”

  Rick, Cap and Master Peter jumped to their feet, each murmuring a low curse as they moved to head off their friend. They came together in the middle of the lounge just as Elena finished her song. Heads turned as his low voice carried across the crowded room.

  “No fuckin’ way!”

  As if on cue, the stage lights dimmed and Elena announced softly, “We’re going to take a short break and be back in fifteen. I think.”

  She turned and hurried toward the stairs leading backstage. Her eyes locked with the furious man who blocked her way and she stiffened in alarm. She had been dreading their first meeting for good reason; he was absolutely livid. Elena broke the eye contact first. If she didn’t know him so well, hadn’t studied every detail and mannerism of his handsome face she wouldn’t be able to recognize the extent of his anger. Although he outwardly appeared to be in control, she could tell he was about ready to explode.

  Overwhelmed by the sheer masculine presence of this man, Elena bowed her head clasping her hands nervously. She didn’t want to do this with him, at least not here. As she looked around, she saw many of the guests hadn’t left but were watching them, waiting for another show. She wasn’t into that type of entertainment. If he was going to throw her out, he could do it backstage. She made a cowardly turn out of self-preservation and - rushing across the stage to the other exit - escaped into her makeshift dressing room.

  Dex immediately attempted to follow, intent to have it out with her straightaway only to be stopped short by Rick and Cap whose massive frames easily made the way impassable. “Dex, you’ve got to calm down before you do something you’ll regret.”

  “Throwing that woman out of The Club isn’t going to cause me any regrets, Cap.”

  He tried to move around Cap, only to come chest to chest with Rick. “At least count to ten before you do it, Dex. You need to control your shit, man.”

  “I stopped taking orders from both of you when I was discharged. Let me by.”

  Joanna, Master Peter and Regan appeared before him suddenly. “Dex, please go easy on her. She’s had a rough time lately.” Joanna pleaded.

  “Her daddy had a stroke, Dex. She came back to help her mama take care of him.” Regan added.

  Dex let that news sink in for a second. It was unfortunate but it didn’t matter to him. Shit happens and you deal with it. It didn’t mean you could run away and hide for two years.

  “Dex, give her a chance to explain.” Joanna put her hand on his steely arm.

  “Sorry, Jo. She had her chance. I’ve moved on and she isn’t dragging me back into her shit!”

  “You haven’t moved on, Dex.” Regan put her hand on his other arm and squeezed. “She hasn’t either. She’s alone. You both are.”

  Dex frowned at both women then raised his gaze to the men who stood at their backs. “Control your subs gentlemen; they are both very close to violating club rules. With the mood I’m in it wouldn’t take much for me to order a public punishment for their infractions.” Shrugging off their hands, he moved around the well-meaning group to go back stage and confront his former fiancée. He knew he was acting like an ass to his friends and their subs but he’d deal with the aftermath later. He could only handle one disaster at a time.

  Elena waited in her dressing room, if you could call it that. It was more like a closet, made up of paper-thin walls, a flimsy door and a mobile partition. In the crowded backstage area that she shared with her band, it granted only a modicum of privacy for a wardrobe change but not much else. Still, she paced the cramped cluttered area all the while wringing her hands. Any minute now she would face Hurricane Dex who would rain down a storm of monumental proportions. She had prepared herself for this, knowing when she asked to work in his club that this confrontation was inevitable.

  The door slammed back on its hinges as Dex entered the room. The mask was gone and his emotions were revealed clearly on his face - rage, indignation, and hostility. He wasted no time demonstrating that fact. “You can finish the night and then I want you gone. Don’t come back. Don’t contact my partners and worm your way back in here. Your run at The Club is over.” This was said in a cold, steely voice she barely recognized.

  “Sean said you had moved on. I guess he was wrong. I’m so sorry.”

  “Moved on? That’s priceless. What the hell does that mean anyway? How do you move on from a relationship that ended with a Dear John letter? It wasn’t even a letter but a goddamned email! You don’t move on from being treated like that. That kind of betrayal burns deep in your gut for a long damn time.”

  Tears threatened. She hadn’t cried in over a year having learned to conquer her emotions and suppress them. They didn’t accomplish anything anyway, just made you appear weak.

  “Honestly, Dex. I didn’t mean to hurt you or reject you. I was dealing with some major stuff.”

  “Really, and I wasn’t?” The disdain practically dripped from his words. “I guess my “stuff” didn’t matter. It was all about you. You never gave me the opportunity to help you deal with your stuff, major or otherwise. We were engaged, Elena. We also had a contract. You were supposed to be open and honest with me, but you lied. You sent me back to war thinking we were good, that everything was going to be OK, that we were still getting married.”

  What did she say to that other than she was sorry? Her breathing was erratic as she tried to keep the tears at bay as the pain of his words ripped through her. No way had he moved on. He was heartbroken and bitter, but could she really blame him? She had brutally dumped him without any explanation.

  “What have you done to yourself? I barely recognized you up on stage.” The sudden change of topic was startling and he paused to let his harsh words sink in, knowing he was being intentionally cruel. But he was angry and hurt and wanted to strike back. Watching as Elena reached up to her short black curls, he knew his words made her feel self-conscious. Her hair had been to her waist and a medium brown when she left. He had loved it, always stroking its silky softness, playing with it and brushing it out for her. Never a fan of body art, he grieved for her once flawless skin. As if she could hear his thoughts, her hand swept down her throat over her tattoo. Her fingers lingered over the script E at the center as if she could feel every line.

  Ignoring his personal attack she pleaded in a weak, raspy voice, “Dex, you don’t understand. Things changed…”

  His eyes fell to her hand and he grunted when her fingers splayed across the rose tattoo on her breast. “You’ve changed all right. At least I’ll never confuse the new Rose with the Elena I once loved.” Elena gasped. A knife in the gut would have wounded less than his words.

  “I hired a private investigator to follow you.” Seeing her shocked expression angered him further. “Dammit Elena, you attempted suicide then just disappeared. I was stuck thousands of miles away and had to do something. It’s not like I could go after you myself. I was in God forsaken Kandahar for crying out loud. Did you think I would just walk away? For Christ’s sake, I loved you.” He ran his long fingers through his hair in frustration. When she didn’t reply he went on relentlessly spewing two years’ worth of bitterness and frustration. “It took a while for the guy to find you but when he did…

  “It really isn’t what you think Dex.” Knowing that whatever the P.I found couldn’t have been good, she braced herself for what came next.

  “I didn’t know what to think. All I knew was you left me and the only life you’d ever known to start running with a pretty fast crowd for some reason. You left your family, your friends without a word of explanation. What possessed you? Was your life here not exciting enough? I saw you at those fancy parties, with the expensive clothes and all those celebrities, then there were the drugs, and let’s not forget the California club scene.”

  She choked out, “You were there?” Humiliation swept through h
er. How could that be? Dex was still in Afghanistan while she had attended those parties and visited those public sex clubs. It was all before she stopped using and entered rehab.

  “Not in person, but the pictures and video were eye openers as I’m sure you can imagine. I finally got the message.”

  Oh, my God. A whimpering sound escaped her throat, completely devastated that he had seen this horrible side of her. She had been desperately searching for some kind of solace in the aftermath of the rape. Nothing worked, not the parties, or the drugs, or moving away, not the other Doms who clumsily wielded their whips. Nothing gave her any relief from her pain; they were just a temporary means of escape. A fleeting reprieve from the memories, the trauma of leaving her family and friends, and worst of all the alienation of the only man she would ever love. But the morning always came and her reality was always the same. She turned from him, her arms wrapped around her middle as if she could protect herself from further blows. He didn’t seem to notice, or maybe Elena thought he didn’t care.

  “At first it was hard to believe the reports but when the pictures came in. Especially when I saw you tied to a cross with another man preparing to flog-,” his voice broke then and he cleared his throat before he continued. “Well, the message those pictures sent was pretty clear. You wanted something different and it wasn’t to be found here in San Antonio with me, so I let you go.”

  The pain in her heart was excruciating. He knew all the sordid details of her time in California, had seen pictures and unbelievably, there was video. What an idiot she was to think she could keep it a secret. She knew she had treated this man unfairly but she didn’t know he had witnessed the cluster fuck that her life became after she left him. Naively, when she came back she thought they could reconnect, that now with her life straightened out, they could work together and possibly repair their shattered lives and have a relationship again. But clearly he would never be able to forgive her. He thought she was a liar, an addict, and a fool. And she couldn’t argue those points. She couldn’t even forgive herself. She wanted this first meeting to be over with. To finish up her last gig and get out of there.

  “Please, stop. I realize I made a big mistake coming here. We’ll be gone shortly after the last set. I’m sorry I upset you.” She spoke in a weak, barely audible voice as she approached the door with her eyes glued to the floor. If she looked at him, saw the anger and hatred in his eyes she would lose it. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m late getting back.”

  Dex didn’t budge. He continued to block her exit and silence permeated the room as he stared down at her for long awkward moments, trying to regain his composure. He was not proud of his shameful behavior and verbal cruelty but he wouldn’t take it back. He hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. If that made him a prick, then so be it. He took a deep breath and tried to find a civil tongue. “I heard Hector had a stroke. Is he going to be all right?”

  Startled by another abrupt change in subject, Elena’s tear-filled eyes flew to his briefly before dipping to stare at the floor again. “We hope so… he can’t speak and he is paralyzed on one side. The doctors are hopeful of some recovery but they say he probably won’t ever be his old self again.”

  “I hate to hear that.” Dex looked down at her bowed head. His concern for her father was sincere. “He’s a good man and always treated me well.”

  “Yes, he loved you like a son.” Her voice broke and she blinked back tears before she looked at him again. Not quite meeting his eyes, instead staring at his powerful forearms and biceps that were crossed over his equally impressive chest. “I’m due on stage, Dex.” She waited for him to step aside and let her out of her dressing room.

  Dex nodded and his face was grim when he gave his parting shot. “Enjoy the rest of the show. It will be your last in my club.” With that final comment he was gone, leaving the door open in his wake. Elena pushed it closed and sagged against it. Her forehead pressed against the cool metal as she slid down the door to her knees. Lord have mercy! How was she going to go back on stage and sing the set of slow ballads she had planned for her final set. She gulped deep breaths of air trying to soothe her nerves.

  She was going to have to break it to her band that they were out of a job again. They were going to have a hard time finding another gig that paid as well. In addition to their fee, she had negotiated a percentage of the lounge cover and the bar. Since people were coming in droves, it had turned out to be a good payday for them. They were also getting good exposure. Although Club Decadence was a private BDSM club, the lounge and bar areas were open to non-members by special invitation for occasional theme nights. Full access to the BDSM play areas required membership and came at a hefty price.

  She was happy for Dex. They had quite a successful operation going on here. She also learned from some of the other employees that he and the other owners; Cap, Rick, Sean, Jonas and Lil T were partners in a security firm that provided private protection, security systems, and bounty hunter services. She wasn’t surprised to learn that Dex was their best bounty hunter. He was strong, tough, and very intelligent. He was also a brilliant strategist and could get in his enemy’s head and figure out what they were thinking. She was surprised that he had never figured out what she was keeping secret.

  After ten minutes of deep breathing and relaxation exercises, she put on her professional mask and headed back on stage. Her last set was full of slow ballads with themes of both love and heartache. She compartmentalized her feelings. It was the only way she had been able to survive the pain of the past few years. So, she walled up her feelings in a room she constructed in the back of the mind and closing the door she locked it down.

  She sang her heart out on the last set. Many of the tunes were acoustic so she was playing her guitar as well as singing. Sometimes it was just her and her guitarist Ronnie or the piano man. For her final song she sang Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You”. As she sang, “we both know I’m not what you need” she promised it would be for the last time. It was just too painful.

  Elena didn’t see the man sitting at a quiet table toward the back of the lounge. Hidden in shadow he was free to drink in the sight of her. He thought he had suppressed his feelings but they came surging back at the first glimpse of her. Raw emotions of love, hate, rage, and desire all burned inside him, ready to consume him. He listened to her sing the lyrics as if they were meant just for him. She wished him joy and happiness but he knew that wish would never be fulfilled. His joy and happiness had walked out on him two years ago and tonight, when she was within his grasp again, he like a fool had pushed her away.

  Chapter Seven

  Two interminable weeks later Dex found himself contemplating the unthinkable. He couldn’t get Elena Lopez out of his mind. He dreamed of her every night and woke up hard and aching. Cold showers didn’t do the trick and he had jerked off to so many fantasies of her he felt like a randy teenager. He even went to see her at another club. It was a vanilla club and he had made sure he hadn’t been seen. He just had to get another glimpse to see if the reality really matched the fantasy. It did. He was so screwed!

  Dex took the initiative and invited her to meet him at The Club. He told her he had an arrangement to discuss with her. She couldn’t believe after their last meeting that he had contacted her and asked to see her. She had been nursing a broken heart and her injured pride ever since. Still, despite his really despicable treatment of her, she leapt at the chance to see him and talk with him again. She missed him so much. She dressed carefully for their meeting, wanting to impress and portray a professional demeanor. So, she wore a knee length navy blue skirt and demure white blouse which made her look like she was going for a meeting at Rossi instead of Club Decadence.

  She suspected he regretted letting the band go and was going to allow her and the guys to perform again. Her friends who were also club members had called to let her know about all the member complaints that had been levied since she was released from her contract. Reg
an said attendance was down on her regular nights and Megan told her there was a petition circulating demanding they bring her back. Elena wanted this; she needed it. And although she knew it was going to be difficult being around Dex, seeing him there every day with other women, she needed to be around the scene. She missed it, too.

  Elena arrived promptly at two o’clock for their appointment. No one was in reception so she waited, pacing nervously. Sean entered from the club side and stopped short when he saw her.

  “Elena, what are you doing here? Did you forget something?”

  “I have a meeting with Dex.”

  “Really?” Sean looked at her with interest and she could almost see his mind putting her in different scenarios with his friend.

  “Yes, and you’re late.” She jumped as Dex unexpectedly spoke from behind her. He put a hand to the small of her back and guided her to his office. As they passed Sean, he saw the knowing little grin on his face,

  “Don’t,” he said. That one word from Dex caused his friend to back off as his curious eyes followed them down the long hallway.

  “I wasn’t late. I arrived right at two.”

  “It is now 2:12 and that means you are twelve minutes late for our meeting. If we continue after today I will expect you to arrive early for any and all appointments so that we can start promptly. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, Sir.” She cringed as she heard herself easily slip back into a familiar submissive role with him.

  “Have a seat, please.” Dex indicated one of the large, leather chairs and she perched on the edge as she watched him take his place behind his huge, mahogany desk. The deliberate intimidation of this power position was not lost on her.

  “First, I owe you an apology for the last time we spoke. I was purposely cruel and regret losing my composure with you. It won’t happen again.”

  Elena was stunned. Never had she expected an apology from this new, hard-shelled Dex. The old loving Dex, yes but not the new man she had inadvertently created.